So lately, as in the past few months, the concept of sexuality, sensuality, and intimate interpersonal connections have been rolling around my mind. This is nothing new, society has been in a revolving dialogue to define the feminine ideal. Many pre-Judea-Christian cultures were matriarchal and/or matrilineal. They knew women held the key to happy, healthy progeny. Over time (and this isn't a sociology blog so I don't really feel like getting into the details) society has dis-empowered and somewhat re-established women's role in society as well as family and community. Mine is that of the generation that grew up watching Sex and the City, Friends, Beverly Hills 90210, and Dawson's Creek. We were bombarded with pop-culture telling us that its just normal for teenagers to sleep around and friends always eventually end up in bed at least once. Now there are movies, t.v shows, books, you name it grappling with the emotional void that flash in the pan sexual contacts can leave. When we can hardly sit around a table and just talk to friends, how are we supposed to nurture and develop deep lasting romantic connections? I'm an observer in all this realm. Its easier that way. But in these gypsy wanderings a lady comes across handfuls of temptation and excitement. How can I know what's going to be fun now vs. ultimately rewarding in the long term? I can't, nobody really can. But I know the road is no way to foster significant connections and one can only cover a gaping flesh wound with band-aids for so long. Superglue works much better.
"What the hell is she talking about?" you are saying at this point. So here's what it boils down to. We are considered in the 'third wave' of feminism and its all about having the choice to bare our bodies, bang like dudes, go for any job we want, bring home the bacon and cook it up...or not if we don't want to. Its about choice. And while we certainly don't like to be told that we all must be some new version of delicate English roses, what do we really stand to gain by treating our sexuality as a commodity. The feminine essence is something that should be valued, nurtured, explored, and never taken for granted. So I'm attempting to take a bit of a hiatus from any external pressures in this area. I don't look at it as 'giving up' a class of activities, more so just focusing intently on beauty and value that surrounds us amidst the cacophony of supposed gender (but really individual) miscommunications.
This past weekend, well 5 days actually, I spent chasing music around 3 cities over two different states. In this madness I had an, albeit very weak, offer to momentarily enjoy a close proximity to one of my favorite recording artist for the past few years. Despite my blood being far from alcohol free and the setting a picturesque sea-side park at 2:00am, ration over took hedonistic impulse almost immediately and "no" flowed freely and comfortably out of my lips. The next morning I woke up feeling proud, energized, and above all confident and sexy. Honestly, I can't remember waking up next to somebody in a bed with that exact cocktail of emotions since I lived in Athens. Eventually time and motion will slow down and make room for such ventures but presently I'm quite enjoying focusing my energies in other directions. Let's see what it accomplishes.
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