Open Letter to My Father

This is an open letter to my father

Dearly departed

This world, this time

So many things I wish I could have told him

Not that I didn’t try

It just couldn’t really sink in

Maybe for lack of listening

Or maybe I just never figured out how

In another time, with a different voice

Here are some of those things:

Love more, buy less

Close your eyes and listen harder

You might see a world you’ve never known

Your father was right

The best Girlscout leader is a Boyscout leader

Because anything the XY can do a double X can do

Not better, not worse, just different

The world is not against you

The twisted cells that overtook your body

Were not karma, they were negativity

A spirit out of balance, looking for answers

In late nights clutching a guitar at some dirty DC bar

Tea for two till midnight

While your wife and baby are at home

You didn’t mean them ill

You just can’t feel what that’s like

Empathy a four letter word

In a world with only two, M.E.

These truths have cut us deep

You’ll never admit it

Because we believe what we need

Laying in the trenches while you bleed

Saying tis but a scratch

This moment till the last

Self preservation, such a powerful thing

But you never fully realized

Your greatest accomplishment

And amazing gift

That you helped create

Two strong, beautiful, creative, loving daughters

But when things got tough

You weren’t sure what it takes to be a father

Wanted your freedom, your space, your money

And that’s fine, those things are yours

We have our own potential

And we know that

Because we were raised right

But you weren’t sure how to love

Be there, listen, care, apologize

And mean it

I can only wish you more time

To find these things

In the depths of your own mind

Who knows why anything happens

How long we have

How to make the best of it

I just wish we both meant the same thing

When we said I love you

And I wish you well

I wish I could tell you

In a way to make you

Not just understand

But know, hear, feel

That love is not a possession

And support is not a quantity

I love you for choosing

The wonderful woman who birthed me

I love you for your

Your father and all he embodied

I love you for

The love of music we shared

I love you for showing me

That six figures alone

Cannot buy happiness

And

I love you for

Making me a girl

Then making me question the validity of that

Every day of my childhood

‘Cause now I know

The amazing power of resilience

The saddest part of all this

Is that you are still here with us

The other side of the world

But just as close as you ever were

Sitting across a café table

Telling me my feelings are wrong

And that your low platelet counts

Aren’t that big a deal

They are, as they are with any of us

There isn’t much time

Honestly, there never was

You remain closed off

To the regenerative power

Of listening, learning, giving

Grasping at proverbial

Motorcycle parts

In an attempt to rebuild a new youth

But the parts just aren’t there

So it will never run right

My question to you is

Are you man enough

To ask for help

When you realize

It will never run right

the way it is

The Donkey Wheel House: A Magical Vortex of Possibility

Enter all who dare to do not dream

In the past three weeks I have become a full-blown, totally addicted work-a-holic. It's not exactly what you think. Yes, I am quite interested in what I'm working on finishing up for this masters degree but that's not why I've fallen for the life of 9to9 days.

The real reason is because I can't wait to get out of bed and come to this beautiful building on Bourke St. Before I even get to my desk, I have to choose between getting my coffee with a side of philosophy or community development. Then from the moment I step through the big ornate wooden threshold, I'm not allowed to be a pessimist. These walls are strategically filled with individuals designing business structures around serving community needs, attempting all those enterprises frequently dubbed impossible and just generally functioning in a realm of infinite social possibility. It all blends beautifully like a stew of ideas, perspectives, skills and experience.

One of Alexar's fabulous Sunday night dinners 

Since taking up a space at Hub Melbourne, I have met more inspiring business trailblazers in three weeks than I have in my past 22 months in Melbourne. I've been learning everything from Persian proverbs to genetic algorithms from Alexar, a web developer. I've been learning how you force people to be social by redesigning urban spaces as well as how to brand myself and start a profitable blog from Tatyana, a feisty urban planner. I've had numerous intense economic discussions with Sam, a consultant and badass musician. Those are just some of the regulars that I have the pleasure of sharing my study break conversation with. Every week there's new people and heaps of great events and networking opportunities. It's not normally about business but I know that all I need is to ask for some direction and I shall receive.

This coffee card sits on my desk with me now, for good reason.

While I know what I'm capable of from my years of getting myself into pickles around numerous countries and contexts, the question of personal value is still something I struggle with. This place seems to understand that through sheer mental osmosis. All these happy, driven and successful people have more faith and confidence in me than I do. That's just the way they are. That's just the way this place is. That's the way you get shit done in life. I'm surrounded by people who don't take shit and and get things done, and mostly enjoy life along the way. This is exactly where I need to be.

As I get closer and closer to being finished with this last academic transformation, I feel like it's time to decide what 'growing up' means to me. It means figuring out how to mostly know what's next, why you're doing what you're doing and generally structuring your days around your values (and not the other way around). Here that isn't only possible, it's imperative.

Look Mom, I'm growing up...and crazy enough, I think I kind of like it!

**For more information on Hub's take on co-working & creative collaboration community check out more info at http://hubaustralia.com/ or come in for one of the tours.